apples to apples

Apple #1
She's 5:

She loves to play outside.
She has a pretend pony named Chili (which really is body pillow.)
She rides Chili until he bucks her off so she can flop on the floor.
She wears boy scout shirts because it’s her favourite colour.
She has a cat named Milo and loves him bunches and bunches and bunches and lots.
She torments loves Milo and decorates him with soap and glitter and antiperspirant.
She wishes she had a sibling she could torment love.
She likes to cut up blankets and sheets with mommy's scissors.
She loves painting with nail polish, especially bathroom doors and furniture and her legs.
She likes to hide things like honey under her bed.
She also loves the smell of perfume and spraying as much of a brand new bottle as possible within a two minute time frame.
She really loves driving around on her scooter dreaming about when she gets to drive a car.
She's 5!

Apple #2
When I was 5:

I played outside all day.
I had a pony named Bye Y’All.
I would ride Bye Y’All bareback around the yard till I either fell off or got bucked off.
I lured Bye Y’All into the foyer of our home because I realized that I wanted an indoor pony instead.
I wore bellbottoms because I was cool like that.
I used to dress up in my mom’s clothes and play “Mommy” to my Siamese cat HoSann. She bit me a lot.
My little sister was too little to torment play with.
I used my mommy's scissors to trim my own bangs. And slpit ends.
I rode my tricycle down the back stairs and cracked my head against the wall.
I used to sneak bottles of vinegar and hide them under my bed to drink later.
I drove my mom’s car off our driveway into the ditch while she was unlocking the property gate.
I lit our couch on fire burning old comics in an ashtray.
I was 5.

Soooooo I guess it's true what they say about apples that don’t fall far from the tree. I shouldn’t complain anymore. She could’ve been just like me…